Mommyhood

All of you are aware that during my pregnancy I laughed at anyone who said, "you're going to want another one!" My statement was, "if God wanted me to have two, he would give me twins cause I'm not doing this again!" I've been packing up baby boy clothes and getting ready to send them on their way. Guilt and sadness set in. I want Jake to have a sibling. I would love for him to have a little brother. I began thinking about how much I enjoy spending time with my brother. I realized Jake wouldn't have that, ever.

I kept my mouth shut cause I didn't want to hear, "I told ya so!" from everyone I know. I didn't want to bring it up to Mike cause through the pregnancy his statement was, "no more. I'm not getting any younger." I even told the doctor I was one and done. Then, by accident, the subject got brought up. Needless to say I'll be getting my maternity clothes back from my sister-in-law and I don't think I can part with all the baby boy clothes.

I think Mike was more shocked that I actually said I wanted another one. I've enjoyed Jake so much and damnit, I'm a good mom. To think I only get to do this once makes me a little sad. Of course, the first two months of Jake's life were very hard with all my medical crap. And, the kid still doesn't sleep through the night, but I want the chance to do it again. It would be better if I could just stop time and Jake never get any older, but that's not gonna happen.

So, I think next summer/fall we will start making room for another baby. I'm still a little shocked at myself. God knows pregnancy sucks and so do kidney stones, but all that pain and wacked out hormones are worth it. I mean, how could you not want more than one? And, as you can see, Jake is thrilled about the idea of being a big brother. Ha!!